I Don't Know Who I am Without You
by Originalhybridlover
Summary: Learning that Diaz killed his wife and son set's Oliver on a familiar path of vengeance with one goal. Kill Diaz. [Spoiler: Felicity and William aren't really dead.]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I got this angsty season 7 AU idea from watching Olicity season 7 vids and well here we are.**

* * *

Oliver had never felt a more crushing blow than when he heard the words Diaz found your Family. Your wife and son are dead.

He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't imagine a world where Felicity Smoak was dead, where his son was ripped from him. He couldn't imagine his family being gone.

He had made his choice five months ago. A choice that he believed would keep his family safe. But he was wrong. Unbelievably wrong.

Because of his stupid choice, he wasn't there to protect his family they were dead. His light was gone.

He dreaded when the guard informed him that he had a visitor. Against all rationality he had hoped with what little hope he left that it was his wife, coming to let him know that she and his son were okay.

When he took a seat and looked up and saw Diggle his face somber eyes full of regret that little bit of hope died and it was like ice wrapping around his heart.

"Oliver, I'm sorry, Diaz found Felicity and William but we were too late." Diggle pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, releasing a shuddering breath. "I fail you. I failed them. I failed Felicity."

Oliver dropped the phone and stood slowly, his eyes hardening over as he walked away from the glass telling the guard in a cold voice to take him back.

Returning to his cell and having Felicity and William's smiling faces staring back at him through his beloved picture was like a knife twisting in every nerve of his body.

Hate unlike anything he ever felt before settled in his heart, wiping away everything good inside him, leaving nothing behind but grief and vengeance.

He was going to get out and he was going to hunt Diaz down and kill him.

The Green Arrow was done being the hero, now he would be whatever he had to be to avenged his son and the love of his life. No matter the cost.

* * *

 **A/N: I need help I can't stop myself from writing more Olicity even though I have several multi-chapters I'm currently working on.**

 **Somebody tell me not to write this. Tell me I have too many stories and I need to stop.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: All mistakes are my own. P.S I am no expert on bullet wounds.**

* * *

Pain ripped through Felicity's shoulder, and she could feel something wet trailing down her temple but she couldn't stop. "Get to the car, William," she grabbed his hand as he started to slow and pulled him with her.

She didn't know how Diaz found them and she didn't have time to think about it. She didn't know if he came alone or if he had men with him. She didn't know. And if she didn't know she couldn't protect Willam or herself from him.

"But your hurt," William protested as they reached her car.

"Get in!" Felicity ordered, once he was in she took off down the road, she chanced a look back at the house and saw Diaz coming out, he had a smirk on his face.

She quickly turned the corner, a bad feeling settling in her gut. She couldn't explain it but it was like a pit in her stomach. In her time working with Digg and Oliver, she learned to trust her gut and not question her instincts. She turned the corner sharply. "Throw yourself from the car," she told William.

"What?!" William's voice raised with disbelief at what she was asking of him.

"William, I need you to trust me, okay and do as I say." Felicity lifted her foot off the gas, the car slowing to a safer speed. "I'm going to be right there with you, I promise."

William didn't want to do it but he trusted Felicity, she had always done her best even when he didn't make it easy on her. "Okay."

"Do it, now." Felicity opened her door.

William did the same, hesitating a moment before closing his eyes tightly and throwing himself from the car, he hit the ground hard, skin scraping against the black asphalt.

He groaned coming to a stop he saw Felicity out of the corner of his eye, throw herself from the car with such force, she rolled, crashing into a dumpster.

The ground shook with an explosion and William jolted up to see their car go up in flames. "Oh my God." If Felicity hadn't told him to jump from the car that could have been them.

Felicity pushed to her feet, blood dripping down her arm and neck, a nasty scrape across her cheek, her lip bleeding. She stared at her car for only a moment before moving to William, her fingers curling around his arm and pulling him to his feet.

"C'mon, we need to get out of here before Diaz catches up with us." She tugged him down the alley, turning onto a narrow street.

"How did you know?" William asked. "How did you know the car was going to blow?"

"I just..I had a bad feeling, now come on, I need to get you somewhere safe." Felicity tugged on his arm, trying to get him to start moving.

William pulled out of her grasp, refusing to take another step. "And where is that? Huh, Felicity?! I mean, look at us. We're on the run because this guy broke into our home. He shot you! You're covered in your own blood! What are we supposed to do?!"

Felicity pressed one hand to her bleeding shoulder, trying to stem the flow of blood. "I know this is scary. But we have to keep moving. It's better if Diaz believes he killed us and for that to happen we can't be here."

William nodded slowly frowning, his eyes zeroed on her hand, blooding oozing through her fingers. "We need to get you to a doctor."

"No! No hospitals!" Felicity shook her head adamantly. "We can't leave a trail, if we're going to do this we gotta go under."

"Felicity, you're losing too much blood. You need help." William insisted.

"I've been doctoring your dad's injury's since he revealed his secret to me, I can take care of this myself. I need to get us out of here. Now, please, C'mon, we need to go." She held her other hand out to him.

William looked at it for just a second, before taking Felicity's hand, placing his trust in her.

* * *

Felicity pulled William down the four flight of stairs.

"Where are we?" William wondered as he watched Felicity punched in a code on a security box next to a heavy steel door.

"When John set us up in our safe house, I started looking for a backup bunker of sorts for us to go to if we ever needed it." Felicity pushed the door open and put a hand on his shoulder leading him inside in front of her. "It's completely secure."

William looked around in wonder there were computers covering one wall filled with nothing but surveillance footage, their safe house, his school, Felicity's work, the building they were in right now, the surrounding streets. "Woah, you never left Overwatch behind, did you?"

Felicity moved to the other side of the room where William noticed a med bay was, he watched as she rummaged through a table, pulling out gauze, tape, alcohol, needle, and thread.

"What are you planning to do with all that?" William questioned.

"I used stitched up your dad when he got hurt, shouldn't be too hard to do it on myself," she grimaced, "though first I need to get the bullet out of my shoulder." That one is going to be tricky but she would handle it. She had to.

She bit down on her cheek as she shrugged out of her red plaid shirt leaving her in her black tank top, the top half on the left side just a few inches above her heart soaked in her own blood.

"Do you need help?" William asked, watching the way her brow pinched in pain.

"No!" It came out more sharply then she intended but she didn't ever want him getting blood on his hands. He was just a kid, he shouldn't have to witness any of this. "I've got this. I promise, just take a seat, once I take care of this, I've got some things here that we need and then we are gonna get out of here."

"Where are we going to go?" William questioned.

"I don't know yet but we have to keep moving. It's the only way we're going to stay safe from Diaz."

Willam nodded, his shoulders slouching forward as he went to sit at the desk of computers, his head down.

Felicity felt a fresh wave of guilt. She hated that she was disappointing him when all she was trying to do was protect him. She took just a moment to wallow in all the ways she was failing in doing exactly that and then she took a breath, pushing it away.

She focused on her task at hand, she cut the fabric of her tank top over the wound, dampening a cloth with water, and tried to wash the blood away the best she could, she felt the bullet shift in her shoulder and she bit down on her lip so hard to keep from crying out she tasted metallic.

Felicity gritted her teeth and reached inside the wound with her fingers, digging through her flesh for the bullet.

No matter how hard she tried not to she still cried out from the pain just as her fingers touched metal.

"Felicity!" William said, jumping from his seat and taking a step from her.

Felicity pulled the bullet out with a groan, she looked at him. "I'm okay," she assured him quickly.

William looked at her doubtingly but retook his seat, watching the camera feeds.

Felicity pressed another cloth to the wound, staunching the fresh flow of blood, only once it slowed did she pour alcohol on the wound, gritting her teeth from the pain and then started the painful process of stitching the wound shut. It was painful as fuck without any medicine to dull the pain but she needed to be clear of mind and she couldn't do that if she was high on pain meds.

When it was finally done she taped a bandage over the wound and then cleaned the blood from her temple and placed a bandage over the wound. When Felicity's injuries were taking care of she walked back over to the bank of computers where Willam was.

He looked up at her approaching footsteps. "Felicity, you're looking a little pale," he said in obvious concern.

"That's what happens when you lose a lot of blood." She murmured, taking the chair next to him, pulling a keyboard to her, the sound of her fingers clicking on the keys echoing throughout the room.

"What are you doing?" William asked, watching as box after box pop onto the screen.

"I need to erase our tracks, any sight of us on camera feeds need to be gone. Diaz needs to think we are dead." Felicity answered.

"What about dad? Is he going to think we're dead?" William asked alarmed.

Felicity grimaced, she knew this would crush Oliver and it was the last thing she wanted but she had to put William first and he wasn't going to be safe unless Diaz stopped coming for them and that wasn't going to happen if the bastard still believed they were alive. He wanted to hurt her husband and he could only do that by hurting them.

"If Diaz is going to believe we're dead, everyone will have to believe it too," Felicity said. "It sucks but this is the only way."

Willaim eyes fell sadly. "I hate this."

"I know, I know," she murmured. "But I need you to hang in there for me. Can you do that?"

William was silent for a moment before nodding slowly. "For you?"

Felicity nodded.

"Yeah, I can do it," he said.

Felicity smiled shakily, reaching out and squeezing his hand. "I have us some spare clothes here and a car parked not far we'll get our things together, I'll take down the camera's in the area then we'll get out of here."

William nodded, silently, trusting Felicity to keep them safe.

* * *

Diggle had no idea how he was supposed to tell Oliver that he failed him in the worst way imaginable. For months he had visited Oliver, always telling him that Felicity and William were getting by in witness protection.

But now? Now he had to tell his friend and brother that his wife and son were dead.

Digg himself had a hard time believing Felicity was gone. Her death was silently eating away at him. He was her best friend yet he put her protection in the hands of Argus when he should have been the one keeping her safe.

Instead, the Argus soldiers he put on her detail let Diaz get the drop on them and now Felicity and William were ripped away from them in a car explosion leaving nothing behind in its wake.

He should have been there. He should've been the one watching over them. Maybe things would be different. Maybe William and Felicity would still be alive.

Diggle was no stranger to regret but he never thought Felicity and William would be one of them.

Sitting down across the glass from his friend, his face battered and bruised, his eyes looking hollow that pit in his stomach grew as he realized that somehow Oliver already knew what he was there to tell him.

The words were hard to get out but they needed to be said no matter how painful they were to say or how much they would hurt Oliver, tearing his world down.

"Oliver, I'm sorry, Diaz found Felicity and William and we were too late." Diggle pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, releasing a shuddering breath. "I failed you. I failed them. I failed Felicity."

He watched as a wall came up around Oliver, his expression stoning over, his eyes hardening.

Oliver dropped the phone, getting up without a word walking away from the partition glass.

"Oliver," he called after him but Oliver kept walking away. "Oliver!"

Diggle watched his friend be led away by a guard and he knew that unlike all the other times he was able to pull Oliver back from his darkness he wouldn't be able to do that this time.

Diggle feared with without Felicity and William, Oliver would be consumed by his demons.

* * *

William stepped out of the car, hesitant to follow Felicity as she walked up to an old house, uncertainty feeling him. "Felicity, are you sure about this?"

Felicity looked back at him, her eyes conflicted. "No, I'm not but I'm hardly sure of anything anymore."

"Then why are we here?" William asked, maybe this wasn't the right move for them to make.

Felicity's eyes softened on him, she reached out setting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm may not be sure about much of anything anymore but there are two things I do know. The first being Diaz has to be stopped at all cost."

"And the second?" William asked.

"And the second is the most important.. There is nothing I won't do, no line I won't cross, no lengths I wouldn't go to keep you safe." Felicity promised. "And that is why we are here. I am going to do everything in my power to keep you safe and take down Diaz once and for all."

William nodded slowly. "Okay."

Felicity squeezed his shoulder and move her hand to his back ushering him forward with her.

She moved up the pathway, stopping at the wooden door, taking a fortifying deep breath, she knocked her fist against the door.

She tapped her foot impatiently her hand on Willam's back follow to her side as she waited for someone to answer.

Just when she was about to raise her fist and knock again, the door opened and a large frame filled the entrance. "You're the last person I expected to show up at my door." His voice was deep, his accent only adding to its gruffness.

Is she had any other options she wouldn't be standing on his doorstep but she was nearing the end of her rope.

"I need your help, Slade."

* * *

 **A/N: I know this chapter isn't all that long but I'm sure that will change, that's usually how it is with my stories.**

 **Thanks for reading. Remember reviews are a writer's lifeblood, they keep us going.**


	3. Author's Note

**A/N:**

I was informed last night that someone over on Wattpad has been stealing my Olicity Fics and posting them as their own.

This is really upsetting to me. I work hard on all my fics in my spare time.

I work two jobs and take care of my elderly parents who both have health problems. Writing fanfiction had become an outlet for me and to have someone copy my work and claim it is own is really fucking mess up.

If you see any of my stories over on Wattpad please report them, secondly, I only post my work on three sites so if you see it anywhere else please report it.

I post on under the name Originalhybridlover and on Archive of Our Own under the same name Originalhybridlover and on Tumblr under the name Originalhybridloverfics.

If your a fan of my fics, please If you see my work under any other pen names or over on wattpadt please report it.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I want to take a moment to say if you're looking for a story where Felicity's character is bashed, you won't find it in any of my fics. With that said I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

"You must be desperate if you're coming to me for help. Don't you have a team back you up? What do you need me for?"

Felicity glared. "I'm not here to play games. If you're just going to make jokes, I will find someone who will help me."

"Alright, alright. I'm not going to turn you away. From what Oliver tells me you had a hand in helping me locate my son. I owe you." Slade said reluctantly, he looked at William. "Come on," he stepped aside, motioning for Felicity and William to come inside."

Felicity glanced around her, out at the night before placing a hand on William's shoulder, urging him inside, she followed close behind.

"How's Oliver holding up?" Slade asked, leading them further into his home, stopping in the living room.

William looked around before warily taking a seat on the couch.

"I wouldn't know I haven't been to visit him." Felicity's frowned deepened. "However, I know things are about to get worse for him."

"He's in prison. Things are already bad." Slade pointed out, turning to face her. "How much worse can they get for the kid?"

"Dad's not a kid." William protested.

Slade smirked. "He'll always be Kid to me,"

"Seeing as I made it look like William and I have been killed. It's gonna get a whole lot worse when the news of our deaths reach Oliver." Felicity admitted.

"Why the hell would you fake your death?!" Slade asked in disbelief.

"I'm trying to protect my son," Felicity's tone had taken on a hard edge. "As long as Diaz is out there, he will never stop trying to take him from Oliver."

William stared at Felicity in mild surprise. That was the first time he heard Felicity refer to him as her son, not Oliver's son, not her stepson but _her_ son. It meant more to him than he thought it would.

Slade was quiet for a moment. "So you came to me for protection?"

"No." Felicity shook her head. "You held a sword to my throat. You've done things that should be unforgivable. I know you were under mirakuru, but it doesn't change all the bad you've done."

Slade frowned but didn't argue. "If I'm such a bad guy, why are you here?"

"You taught Oliver to fight, to protect himself, to be the warrior he is. I want you to do the same with me." Felicity clenched her jaw. "I refuse to let myself and William be nothing more than easy targets for Diaz. Oliver is in prison, he can't protect us. It's my job to keep our family safe. It's my job to make sure Diaz never hurts our son, but I can't do that. Not yet. But with your help, I'll be able to put an end to Diaz myself."

William's eyes widened. Was Felicity talking about killing Diaz?

"You want me to turn you into a killer?" Slade couldn't hide his surprise as he looked at her with new eyes. Appraising her with a fresh outlook.

"I want you to teach me to be strong like Oliver." Felicity looked down then back at him with a steely resolve. "I want to be able to make Diaz regret ever coming after my family. I want to make him pay for ruining my life."

Slade didn't think highly of many people. Hell when he first took Felicity hostage when he had been trying to make Oliver pay for Shado's death, he hadn't thought much of her. Slade believed her to be weak. He had been wrong. She was a lot stronger than she looked, and it appears that that hadn't changed because here she was willing to do anything to keep Oliver's son safe.

"If you really want me to train you, don't expect me to go easy on you." Slade couldn't believe he was going to do this, but he owed Oliver after everything, and maybe this was a way he could pay him back.

"If I wanted easy I wouldn't have come here," Felicity told him. "I came to you because you are ruthless and that is exactly what I need to be if I'm going to take Diaz down."

Slade nodded. "Alright, then, you and the boy will stay here during your training. I have plenty of room. We'll start your training tomorrow, bright and early."

Felicity's lips parted to reply but before she could get any words out William's voice cut through the air. "Felicity, can I talk to you," he cast a wary look at Slade. "alone."

Felicity nodded. "Excuse us."

"By all means, I need a drink, anyway," Slade said and walked out of the room into another room in the house. "Talk. I'll show you to the guest room after you have your little family talk."

As soon as Slade was out of the room, Felicity focused her full attention on William. "Look, Will, I know the situation isn't ideal but-"

"There's no 'but' about it," William interrupted. "This is crazy, Felicity!"

"Maybe it is, but I believe with Slade's help I can learn to keep us safe. We wouldn't need to go in witness protection. We won't have to pretend to be people we're not, and we wouldn't have to keep starting our lives over every time an enemy of your father finds us." Felicity argued.

"And you think killing Diaz is the right option?" William demanded.

Felicity winced. Okay, she definitely should not have brought that up in front of William. Yes, she wanted to kill Diaz, but she had no idea how to rationalize that to William, and she didn't want to set the example that violence was the answer. That killing was the answer.

What was she supposed to do, though? Just let Diaz keep coming after them? She couldn't see another way. Felicity hated it. She was always saying there was another way yet here she was and she couldn't find that other way.

"I think if I do nothing, Diaz is going to do everything in his power to punish your father and I can't let him hurt you. I won't. I don't want to have to kill anyone, but I will do what I have to if it means keeping you safe."

William didn't want to understand her reasoning but living with his father the past year and after witnessing Diaz shooting Felicity and blowing up their car to kill them. He did understand. Still, he hated it.

"I want to see my dad," he said, voice low.

Felicity's chest tightened at how lost he sounded. "I know. I want to see him too but we can't. It's not safe as long as Diaz is out there, walking freely. It will never be safe."

"He should know we're okay, Felicity." William protested. "He's going to think we're dead."

"If Oliver believes it then so will Diaz and the rest of the world." Felicity placed her hand on his shoulder. "I know you hate this. I do, too. I know how much this will hurt your dad, and that's the last thing I want to do, but I have to put your safety and well being first. I promise as soon as Diaz is no longer a threat, I will take you to see your dad myself the first chance we get."

"Yeah and how long is that going to take? Weeks? Months? A year?" William asked, his eyes hardened, but he didn't pull away from her.

"I don't know," Felicity answered. "I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't. I am trying here, Will, and I need you to try with me. Please." she swallowed, her chest aching. "I need us to be on the same page if we're going to get through this as a family."

William looked at her and saw the barely concealed desperation and sadness in her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. This is just hard."

"Don't apologize for how you feel. I'm the one whose sorry about all this." Felicity pulled him in and hugged him tightly, hoping to convey that she didn't like any of this either.

William sagged against her. He hated everything about this, but he didn't mean to take it out on Felicity. He just wished things were different. William understood that this was how it had to be right now, but that didn't mean he had to like it. However, he wasn't going to take it out on Felicity either. Like she said they were in this together as a family.

"Touching. Really." Slade's voice drawled. "Now how about I show the two of you to the guest rooms so you can get settled in."

Felicity pulled back from William and glared at Slade. "Were you just listening in the whole time? Why did you even bother leaving the room if you were just going to eavesdrop?"

"Yes, it was my master plan to listen to your family dramatics." Slade deadpanned, he turned on his heel. "C'mon, you have a big day ahead of you, starting bright and early tomorrow morning. Tonight will be the only night you will be taking it easy for the foreseeable future."

"Are you sure about this, Felicity?" William asked uncertainly, his gaze following Slade.

"Not at all," Felicity admitted honestly before urging him forward, following behind Slade, hoping she wasn't making a mistake.

* * *

Diggle ignored the chime of his phone on the table as his fist connected with the punching bag again and again. He felt the sweat drip from his skin, saw the blood smearing the white tape on his hands. His muscles burned with exhaustion, but he kept going.

His aching body practically begged him to stop but he couldn't. Every time his mind was free to think beyond the strain and pain, all he could think about was Oliver, William, and Felicity.

He promised Oliver he would look after his family, that he would keep them safe. He failed him.

He wasn't there when Felicity and William needed him, and now they were gone. Killed by Diaz.

If he had been the one watching over them, maybe they would still be alive.

His phone finally stopped, only to start ringing again and he hit the bag, harder and faster.

"What did that bag ever do to you?"

He turned sharply, grabbing the bag to keep it still, his eyes settled on Curtis. "Is there something that you wanted Curtis?"

Curtis turned his head, looking at the table, hearing John's phone vibrate on the table. "Your Cell's going off."

"You didn't just come in here to tell me something I already know, did you?" Diggle moved to the table, grabbing a towel and wiping it down his body before tossing it onto the table just as his phone stopped buzzing.

"Well, no. I wanted to check on you. I know things haven't been easy since we lost William and Felicity."

"I don't want to talk about that," John said abruptly, picking up his phone seeing he had 4 missed calls from Lyla. With a pang of guilt, he sent her a text, telling her he was going to be home late again. "And we didn't lose Felicity and William. Diaz took them from us."

Lyla so far had been understanding of his need to stay busy, but he didn't want to reach the point he was taking advantage of that; still, John wasn't ready to go home. Being home with his family made his guilt, his sense of failer sharper. He still had his family, but Oliver's family was gone.

"Have you at least told Thea about what happened?" Curtis asked. "I know you told Oliver, but his sister has a right to know what happened to Felicity and William, too."

"I am not going to tell Thea over the phone that her nephew and her sister-in-law were blown up in a car bomb after Diaz attacked them in their safe house," John responded tersely.

"What about Donna? Have you told her?" Curtis questioned.

John looked at him and said nothing and his silence was more than enough answer for Curtis.

"John!" Curtis threw his hands out. "What the hell are you doing? She is Felicity's mother! she has a right to know."

"I know that," John said. "But I don't want to be the one to tell her that her daughter's dead. I don't want to be the one to break her or Thea's hearts. It was bad enough that I had to tell Oliver that his wife and son are dead."

Curtis was quiet as he looked at John, he could see the pain in John's eyes with every mention of Felicity and William's names. "I don't think that's it. I think the reason why you don't want to tell Thea or Donna is that it makes it more real. But John, you have to tell them, someone needs to hold a service for them. Felicity and William deserve that at least, and none of us are going to be able to move on if we never say goodbye the way you're supposed to when you lose a friend or a loved one."

John looked at Curtis, his eyes hardening before grabbing his phone and pushing past Curtis. "Goodnight Curtis."

Curtis shook his head when John was no longer in sight. John wasn't accepting their new reality. Curtis didn't think he was coming to terms with Felicity's death and it was not good for him or any of them.

None of them were going to be able to move forward if they did not accept that Felicity and William were dead and they were never coming back, and they had no one to blame but Diaz for their deaths.

* * *

Lyla stepped into the rundown bar, looking past the Thursday night crowd, finding her husband's hulking frame seated at the end of the bar.

She made her way to him, sliding into the seat beside him.

"I'm married."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Nice to know you remember you have a wife at home."

John's eyes shot to her, not realizing the woman that had slid in beside him was his wife, he hadn't even bothered to look away from the shot glass in front of him to take the few seconds to see she wasn't some random woman in a bar. He turned back to his shot glass, gripping it tightly in his hand. "I would ask how'd you find me, but you're you, and you always know."

Lyla looked at the four empty shot glasses in front of her husband and the one in his hand filled with an amber liquid. "Johnny, you can't keep doing this." she reached for his free hand, the blood had dried on his knuckles where they had split during his harsh training session with the punching bag.

John said nothing.

"Do you think Felicity would want this?" Lyla continued.

John's eyes shot to hers. "Felicity doesn't want anything anymore. She can't. She's dead."

"Johnny." Lyla could see the pain in his eyes he tried to mask. The grief threatening to break free.

"I don't know what to do here, Lyla. This feels like when I first lost Andy, but somehow this is worse. How is that even possible?"

"Felicity and William were your family. You didn't share blood with them, but you chose Felicity to be your sister, you loved and protected her." Lyla placed her hand on top of his arm.

"I didn't protect Felicity," John said, his words sharp, an recrimination against himself. "If I had, she would still be alive. I wouldn't have had to tell my best friend, my brother, that his wife and son are dead. I wouldn't have to wake up knowing Felicity would still be alive if I had just been there for her."

"Punishing yourself, burying your grief in the bottom of a shot glass is not going to do any of us any good. And placing the blame where it doesn't belong will accomplish nothing. Diaz did this, not you." Lyla reached out, forcing her husband to look at her. "Diaz killed Felicity and William, not you so stop punishing yourself. Blame him."

John exhaled shakily, her words hitting him hard.

"I know your hurting, Johhny." Lyla continued. "But this is not what Felicity would want. She would want us to take down Diaz, and that is what we will do. We'll get justice for Felicity and William by taking down Diaz and bringing him to justice. That is what Felicity would want. Okay?"

John looked at his wife, seeing the way she was looking at him, he knew she was worried, and if their roles were reversed he'd be worried too, and he would want her to at least try and listen. "Okay." he drained the last of his shot and stood from his seat. "But there's something I need to do that I put off long enough."

He had to tell Thea and Roy. He had to tell Donna. And they had to plan the service to officially say goodbye to Felicity and William.

None of it was going to be easy. John just hoped they were all strong enough to get through it.

* * *

Oliver's knuckles ached, the flesh torn and bloody, but the ache in his hands was nothing compared to the gaping chasm opened in his heart.

The pain tearing at his heart, his chest, every nerve ending in his body was constant, overwhelmingly so. Threatening to consume him entirely.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his son and his wife, bleeding out on the floor in front of him, reaching out to him. Screaming for him.

And he could do nothing but watch them die. Watch them slip between his fingers leaving him cold, alone and broken beyond repair.

His fist cracked against the stone wall, he couldn't see the blood dripping down his hand being surrounded by darkness, but he could feel the warm liquid, slipping slowly down his skin.

He did it again, the pain feeling him with a sense of relief. With every day, every hour that passed by knowing his son and his wife no longer existed in the world, he felt himself shut down, growing colder. Feeling the pain, physical pain was better than the pain he felt in his chest every second, of every minute.

He was surrounded by darkness, having been thrown into the hole not long after John told him about Felicity and William being killed. He had attacked another inmate who had made a comment about his hot blonde wife paying him a visit.

He lost it, all he could see was red, he had attacked the guard that was escorting him, breaking free and then attacked the inmate brutally, breaking his leg and smashing his head into the wall again and again and again until a group of guards had pulled him off, dragging him away.

Shortly after he had been thrown into a dark cell. Not a single ray of light. It was fitting.

The light of his life was gone.

What was the point of everything? What was the point of surviving five years in hell, finding and falling in love with his soulmate, learning about his son if they were going to be ripped from him?

Why did he keep trying to be a force of good in the world when it was clear to him that the world ruined everything worth having, took the ones who deserved to live away.

What was the point because he sure as hell couldn't see it.

What kind of world was worth saving when the bastard who took his family, walked free?

It was so clear to him now, nothing in this world was worth saving. Not any more and he was fucking done trying to save it.

Diaz took everything from him, and now it was his turn.

He would avenge his family. He was going to kill Diaz, he didn't care what he had to do.

It was his only mission. He was going to make sure it was a slow, painful, excruciating, agonizing death. He would make damn sure the only thing Diaz will know in his last moments was misery and pain, begging for death. And Oliver was going to watch as he bled out, the life fading from his eyes.

Only then would Oliver be done. Really and truly done with everything. Done hurting, done feeling, done suffering, done sacrificing, and done living.

He would finally just be done.

Until then all he would know was violence and blood, and he had no problem inflicting it on others, make them feel his pain, his misery. His suffering.

The Oliver Queen, the world knew, the Green Arrow was gone leaving behind a man who had lost everything with one single goal.

Revenge.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: It's been a long time since I updated this one. I hope you like the chapter and I hope it provides a welcome distraction from the crisis we are currently experiencing all around the world.**

* * *

Curtis frowned when he walked into the bunker and found a box sitting on the table addressed to Team Arrow. He opened the small box to reveal a picture of Felicity and William and beneath it a drive.

Brow furrowing, he grabbed the drive and plugged it in and watched horrified as Diaz broke into Felicity's home and attacked her.

"What the hell is that?"

Curtis jumped at the sound of John's booming voice, he spun around and saw John's eyes zeroed in on the footage.

"I found this addressed to the team." Curtis held out the photo.

John took it, and his hand started to shake as he stared at the faces of Felicity and William. William looking into the camera, a light in his eyes. Felicity laughing freely, her arm tucked around the boy.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at the photo. "Diaz sent this?"

"I think so, and there's a surveillance video."

"Play it," John ordered.

John's heart pounded as he watches Felicity walk into the frame then stumble back suddenly as Diaz entered the room. He tensed as he watched Felicity grab the nearest thing she had. A coffee pot and throw it at Diaz before running.

 _Diaz slammed into her from behind, she crashed into the floor, head smashing against the coffee table. Still, she rolled and kicked Diaz in the chest, knocking him back._

 _"Felicity!" William appeared in the frame, scared._

 _"Run! Get out now!" Felicity yelled at him, and the young boy hesitated. "Now, William!"_

 _William took off running, and Felicity grabbed a hot poker and swung it at Diaz, sending him crashing to the floor, but he kicked her feet out from beneath her. Felicity hit the floor hard, she scrambled back to her feet, reaching for the fallen poker._

 _Diaz threw himself at her sending her crashing into the table. He turned her and slammed his fist into her face, splitting her lip and pulled out a gun, slowly getting back to his feet and aimed it at her._

 _"Do you have any idea how much I wish Oliver was here?" Diaz grunted, his voice low and scratchy. "To have him helpless as I put a bullet in your skull. How satisfying it would be for him to see his son's chest riddled with bullets."_

 _"If you touch him, I'll..-"_

 _"You'll what? Hack me to death? Make idle threats you can't back up?"_

 _"I'll kill you."_

 _Diaz laughed. "You don't have what it takes to kill, sweetheart."_

 _"You don't know what I'm willing to do to protect my son!"_

 _"You can't protect anyone when you're dead." he ground out, his finger tightening on the trigger._

 _"No!" William appeared suddenly, throwing himself into Diaz._

The gun sounded, and Digg flinched. His chest tightening as Felicity gave a startled cry of pain.

 _Felicity lept to her feet, yanking William away from Diaz and grabbed the hot poker, and swung it at Diaz's head when he started to get back up._

 _He collapses to the floor, clutching his head, and Felicity grabbed William by the arm, dragging him out. "Get to the car!"_

John watched with bated breath as the screen went black for several minutes then came back, with the image of a car, speeding down the street.

He knew it was coming, but it didn't stop the pain from ripping into him as he watches the car explode, fire engulfing it until nothing was left.

"God, that was hard to watch." Curtis swallowed the lump in his throat.

John shook, hands clenching into a fist, the picture in his hands crumpled. In a fit of anger, he swept his arm out, sending the computers crashing.

"John!" Curtis yelled.

John didn't stop there though, he picked up a fallen computer and sent it crashing into the glass case that held his spartan suit, glass flying everywhere.

Curtis backed away alarmed, not used to seeing John Diggle, who was, for the most part, calm and collected so livid with rage.

John whirled around anger burning in his eyes. "He doesn't get away with this. I don't care what we have to do. We're going to take this son of a bitch down. He is not going to kill another family."

Curtis nodded. There was nothing to say. John was right. Diaz needed to be brought to justice for what he did to their own.

* * *

"You've got a letter, Queen."

Oliver didn't so much as look up as the letter landed on his cell floor. Instead, he stared at his hands, discovered black and blue, the skin split, splatters of blood.

Oliver clenched his fist, and he felt pain, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his chest with every breath he took, knowing he was alone.

His son was dead, and Felicity was gone from the world. Why was he even still breathing? What was the point?

"I think you should really take a look at that letter, Queen, or should I say Green Arrow."

Oliver looked up slowly, eyes hard as he stared at the guard. He didn't like the way the man's eyes gleamed or the sick smirk tugging at his lips.

Oliver stood and knelt down, grabbing the letter, seeing it only had his name and no forward address, he opened it. Inside was a small note.

 _ **Such a shame to lose your family so brutally. I wish you could have seen it. You still can. I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I did, Diaz.**_

Oliver crumpled the letter up in his hand, dropping it to the floor. He pulled out a small stack of photos. He clenched his jaw as his eyes iced over.

The picture of a burning car, staring back at him, had his heart clenching in the worst way imaginable. Just the sight of it made him believe he could hear the sound of his wife and son's cries as they were burnt alive. Hear William crying out for his father, hear Felicity screaming for him.

He moved to the second picture, and it was another one of the vehicle, the flames burning higher. He moved to the last film, the fire was out, but all that was left was the charred wreckage.

Oliver's grief and sorrow were quickly being consumed by the raw anger coursing through his veins.

"Diaz sends his regards." Oliver's head snapped up to the guard, seeing his hands wrapped around the bars.

The smirk, his words, the look in his eyes, all of it was triggering, screaming at him one fact. He was one of the people under Diaz's pay.

Oliver lunge, his arms reaching between the bars and yanking the officer into them until he could grasp him by the head. He slammed the guard's head against the bars again and again. Inmates started to yell and cheer.

Minutes later, the other guards intervened, swinging their batons at his arms, weakening his hold and dragging the officer out of his reach.

The guard was unconscious and bleeding, his face covered in so much blood. The blood had dripped down on Oliver's wrist and arms.

Seeing the man bloody and battered did nothing to quell Oliver's rage. When the other guards opened his cell. He fought because why the hell not he needed an outlet for his anger.

He took down three of them before one took his baton and struck behind his bad knee, sending him to the floor. After they were like a pack of hyenas, hitting him all at once, he didn't block the blows.

Oliver allowed every strike to hit him.

The pain that shook him was welcoming. He wanted it.

Felicity and William's last moments on this earth were filled with excruciating pain. It was only right that he suffer even a small fraction of that pain.

He was the reason they were dead. If he had been there, maybe his wife and son would still be alive.

He never should have left the island. He never should have come home.

Felicity would be alive and safe, probably running her own company by now.

And William would still be alive, living with Samantha in Central City.

Everything that went wrong in their lives boiled down to him. He destroyed everything he touched. No matter how much he loved them, it didn't change one undeniable fact.

He was poison to everyone he came into contact with.

It was going to stop when he killed Diaz.

Once he accomplished that there would be nothing left for him. There was no point for him to go on.

* * *

Being thrown into the hole had become the new norm in the coming weeks for Oliver.

He spent more time there than he did in his actual cell.

It got to the point that he no longer could keep track of the time or the days.

When Oliver was free, he spent it searching for anyone inside who had ties to Diaz he could exploit, but so far, he was coming up empty. The only connection he found was the dirty prison guard he bloodied his hands with. Unfortunately, for both of them, the man had too much head trauma and had fallen into a coma.

It was one thing Oliver did not feel an ounce of guilt for doing.

He was sure he would finish the job if the guard ever woke up.

It was no surprise that he snapped on a single notice in the prison yard when he was approached by a man twice his size, with an ugly smirk.

The man really should have never even mentioned his wife.

"Arrow, what good was it saving the city when you couldn't even protect your own wife."

Oliver was on a weight bench, but he rose up slowly, eyes narrowing as the man pulled out his picture of Felicity from his jumpsuit.

"How did you get that?" Oliver ground out, his eyes darkening rapidly.

The man smirked. "She really is a looker. I'll give you that. Too bad she's dead. I get out in two months. I would have loved to get between her thighs and give her what you no longer can. I could have been your son's new father. I hate kids, but if I could have stuck it to your wife, it would have been worth it."

"One more word about my wife, and I will break you." Oliver's vision was decreasing rapidly, and all he could see was this piece shit speaking of his late wife, his soulmate, so disrespectfully.

The guy steps closer. "Tell me, was she a screamer? How good was she?"

Oliver snapped. He struck his hand out, his hand smashing into the man's breast bone.

The man stumbled back, abruptly coughing.

Oliver struck again, chopping him in the throat. As the man choked, clutching his neck, he whirled around, ripping the weight bar from the bench and slammed it into the man's ribs. He followed it up with an attempt to take the man's head off, swinging the bar like it was a baseball bat.

The man crash to the ground with a sickening crack. Oliver kicked him onto his back, the thought of stopping, not even crossing his mind.

He climbed over the man, tossing the weight bar aside and started pounding his fist into the bastard's face. His words ringing in his ears.

He didn't stop. He couldn't. He struck him again and again until he felt the shocks of a taser. The sharp stab of a needle in his neck, something being injected into him. The alarms of the prison blaring loudly.

His vision blurred. The last thing he saw was the man he had beaten to the inch of his life, face bloody, near unrecognizable.

Oliver slumped to the ground, the darkness surrounding him, and he welcomed it.

It was all he had left.

* * *

Digg walked through the doors of Slab Slide. He hadn't been there since he had delivered the news of Felicity's and William's death.

It had been weeks. It was no easier walking through the doors with the intent to see Oliver than it was the first time. Digg's chest was heavy with failure every second of every day. He failed to do the one thing Oliver asked of him. To protect his family.

Still, he had received calls from a friend who worked inside Slab Slide who spoke of Oliver's outburst. How he had attacked a guard. Digg came to see Oliver with the intention of trying to reach his friend.

Oliver needed to be reminded of the man Felicity fell in love with.

She wouldn't want this for him. He failed to protect Felicity and William, but there was still a chance he could save Oliver from himself, from the darkness he was letting consume him.

"What do you mean, I can't see him?" Digg demanded after he was told, Oliver's rights to visitors had been revoked.

"Mr. Queen has been experiencing violent outbursts. It's gotten to the point that we had to separate him from the other prisoners."

"What did he do?" John asked warily. He hoped Oliver hadn't completely lost it and killed someone in cold blood. He had watched his brother come so far since his days as the Hood.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss that." The officer replied.

Diggle glared harshly. "If I cannot see my brother, the least you can do is tell me why?"

His glare must have done exactly what he wanted because the guard looked around nervously before replying. "He attacked a guard, putting him in a coma, and he beat another inmate nearly to death a few days ago. He hasn't woken up, and there is little brain activity. It doesn't look good. If he doesn't pull through, Mr. Queen is looking at another murder charge."

"Jesus, Oliver." Digg cursed. Maybe he was too late. Maybe he couldn't stop Oliver from giving in to his demons and becoming the man he was when he first met him. A man who was lost, searching for the light, only this time, his guiding light had been extinguished.

Forever.

* * *

Lyla was unsure what more she could do to help her husband.

Johnny was having such a hard time with everything. He blamed himself for William and Felicity's death, for Oliver's turn to his darker side.

It wasn't his fault. Lyla wanted to help him see that, but she was starting to think that the only way to do that was to give him closure.

Maybe then, he would be able to stop blaming himself for something he could not change.

The only way she thought he would be able to do that was to make peace with what happened. She didn't know how to help him do that, but she figured a good start would be to go to the crime scene.

Maybe if she found something, anything that could lead them back to Diaz, it would help Johnny and the Team in some way, and perhaps it could give Oliver peace of mind.

Oliver was never going to be able to get justice for his family as long as he was behind bars. It was up to her and Johnny and the Team to get it for him.

They owed not only Oliver that much but Felicity and William as well.

Lyla started with the safe house, other than Argus, and the feds investigating the scene everything was left as it was the day Felicity and William were killed. The living room and kitchen were in shambles, there were spots of blood staining the floor.

Lyla moved through the home, realizing Felicity and William's things were still there.

She swallowed down the lump that filled her throat. Since Donna and Thea were still in the dark about what happened, it was up to Johnny and her to take care of Felicity and William's belongings, and they hadn't.

A part of her knew they stayed away because if they left their belongings alone, it was almost like they were waiting for them to come home.

It was a misplaced hope because Felicity and William were never walking back through the door. They were gone.

Lyla picked up a framed picture. It was at Oliver and Felicity's reception.

They were all gathered around a table, laughing. Felicity was tucked between her boys, and William was tuck into his father's other side.

Lyla opened the frame and took the picture, slipping the photograph into her jacket. Wanting to give it to Johnny so he could have something of the other side of their family.

She walked out following the path she knew where it happened.

Where Felicity's car blew up with her and William inside it.

The wreckage was no longer there, but Lyla still remembered walking onto the crime scene the first time, seeing the destroyed vehicle for herself. How it had been burnt so badly, no human remains could survive such an explosion.

Lyla's eyes moved over the scene. She frowned when she spotted something on the ground a few feet away from where the car was found. She crouched down low.

There was a stain of blood on the ground leading into an alley.

Her frown deepened. Why hadn't they noticed the blood before?

How could they have overlooked such an important detail?

They knew from the shell casing that was discovered at the crime scene that a gun had been fired. What if someone was actually hit?

What if Felicity or William had been hit?

If they were bleeding but were in the car when it exploded, how did their blood end up on the ground?

Unless Felicity and William had escaped the car before it blew and that would explain why there were nobodies.

She followed the blood. It led her to an alley with a dumpster. The blood stopped. She whirled around her heart, sinking as the trailed ended.

She turned again, and something glittered, poking out from behind the dumpster.

Frowning, Lyla scooped down, heart pounding in her chest, as she lifted the white gold charmed bracelet.

She would recognize it anywhere.

Johnny gave it to Felicity for her birthday two years ago. It was a beautiful charm bracelet with an arrowhead, a knight, and a wifi charm.

Felicity wore the bracelet every single day.

Lyla's breath rushed out of her. A weight being lifted off her chest as she was filled with a knowledge she believed with every fiber of her being.

Felicity and William were not in the car when it blew. They had gotten out. They got away, and they were out there somewhere.

Alive.

She had to tell Johnny. They had to tell Oliver and the rest of the Team.

And most importantly, they had to find them at all cost and make this right.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. Until next time. Stay safe everyone!**


End file.
